Over the Hills and Thru the Woods,

YEP!!! To Our Grandmas' houses we have gone. Utah is a distant memory at the moment full of nothing but my house, friend's, normal life, and my "first born" (my dog). I can't deny that i miss Utah a lot, and I wish every night that it was my bed that I was crawling in instead of someone Else's guest bed. Something about my 4 months old mattress that is waiting on me back at home just shuts down the competition.



We spent our first week with my side of the family. I know that it did my grandmother's heart really good to have someone else in the house. She was so cute, she would get down on the floor and play with Kenneth just like she did 24 years ago with me. Seeing her play with Kenneth seemed to have taken 20 years off her body. I can't imagine how lonely it must be in the house to have all of us girls off and married, and for Papa to have passed on. I get tired of saying prayers with only a 10 month old, she has only herself to say them with.



I amazed me at how easily Kenneth took to all of my family. It was almost like he remembered them all. He will crawl up to them, lift up onto his knees and then lift his arms strait up for them to pick him up! He especially did that with his "Great-Mawmaw". He would push me away, and go for them. It is beginning to give me hope that when his Daddy gets home that he will do the same thing with him.

After a full week with my side of the family I went to Paul's Parent's house. We have had a really good time here. Kenneth got to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa, and he also got to spend time with his First Cousin's Jeremy and Taylor. He also got to meet all of his Aunts and Uncles from his Grandma's side on Saturday and Sunday at the two family reunions that we went to.



Over all, everything has gone great! We are having a blast, even after almost 2 weeks of being here, and though I can't wait to get home, I am happy and content here for now. I have been able to go to the gym a lot. I bought a one month membership in Athens and I went there while I was with Mawmaw, and Tom has an amazing gym that he goes too, and it's free for me to go as his guest. SOOOO I have taken full advantage. So at least I haven't gotten fat and lazy, like I could because it's a vacation! Yea me!

Wednesday morning I leave for Norfolk, VA and will be there, without my baby, until Sunday. Kenneth will be with Paul's Mom, and I'm sure that he'll have a great time, still I can't help but think of how far away I'll be. It will be difficult, but I think that it will be a great vacation! I am feeling so relaxed! This trip has been far better than I expected it to be!

Because My Husband is More Important

Recently I have learned the hard way what a slip of a tongue can do to your husband's work environment. Women have always been the same, we get together and gab about anything and everything that we can think of. Sometimes amongst all of it the information being transmitted gets blurred. You could say "I drank a soda yesterday and it gave me terrible gas!" Then someone one says, "Oh when I drink soda I get an awful stomach ache with diarrhea!" Then someone else says, "Oh it makes me puke!" Next person, "I hate puking it reminds me of when I felt bulimic during my first few months of pregnancy!" And the conversation continues, by the time that the women are talking to their husbands it has turned into, "Hey did you know that Jennifer is bulimic, and that she purges even if she's only had soda?" You think I joke, and this scenario is, but unfortunately a lot worse has happened.

And politics, anyone who thinks that politics isn't in military, surely hasn't met someone who is in the military. It governs our entire life! When we first joined I was warned that I shouldn't hang out with higher ranking Airmen and Officer's wives. That it would only lead to trouble for my husband. I was stupid and young and didn't listen. And a month ago it all blew up because of a situation similar to what I discussed above. I always thought, until now, that there was no need to heed that advice because Paul and I are good people, we mean no harm, I just need friends who's husband's do the same job as my husband! The only problem with that is that Paul is the only married "young" Airmen. (He's actually older than a lot of our Staff Sgts) So to have friends in the wives group of our shop, I have to break those barriers. So I did, stupidly I did.

I love these girls! They have been my best friends since our husband's left in April. It is because of them that I have felt as alive as I have for as long as I have. I didn't know that I could feel that way without Paul around. And yet hanging out with these women has made everything easier on me. I can honestly say that until 5 weeks ago this deployment felt like a breeze. And it has all been thanks to them, and their support, and their company.

But after a rather nasty situation that ALMOST caused the first official fight in my marriage, and could have potentially ended an innocent Airman's career, I have had to withdraw from my support group, and leave the three of them on their own to have fun without me. What was said doesn't matter, all that needs to be said is that Paul's working environment has been a lot harsher because of this situation. And because my husband's happiness while in a war zone is much more important than my own to me, especially since he is currently in a war zone, I am finishing the last 65 days of this stupid deployment on my own.

I'm not completely alone, I know that. I have plenty of other friend's but none of the ones here understand what it is like to be an EOD wife. They have different scripts to read to us at Family Support Centers. They don't say, "Your husband will be fine, he'll be inside the wire." They say, "Your husband is good at his job, the Army Infantry will be there to protect your husband while he does his job." My husband's job can't be done inside the wire, he knows exactly how it feels to strap on his Kevlar and be outside of the nice barriers.

And I have family, but they can't fully understand either. The saddest lesson that I will bring out of this deployment is that no matter who starts it within a group, the higher ranking officers are never going to punish themselves or their spouses, it will flow down to the lowest ranking of the bunch. And until we are older, that will always be my dear, sweet, innocent Paul. Life was so much more simple in Kindergarten. The only drama that we knew was the soup opera that we created within the lives of our Barbie dolls. Can we revert back to that?

Praise Allah!

(I love this picture of my oldest "child"! She was in heat, [didn't mean to let her get there] and she bled pretty bad, but there was about 3 feet of snow on the ground, so we bought the diaper things, but they were a little too small, so we took Kenneth's diapers and used them as a side band and taped them on. But she pulled it off, so we took a pair of my maternity shorts and cut a hole for her tail and taped those to her over the diaper. I don't know if it was because they were the same color as her or what, but she never tried to take them off, she wore them for about 2 days. [not straight!] This was December 07)

It never fails, military families come through for one another! The joy that is radiating through my body at this very moment is immense! In the military we tend to take care of our own. If some one is deployed and your husband isn't, chances are that you will see your husband mowing their lawn as it is needed. If a Mom needs a break while a husband is deployed, then you offer to keep their kids, or get a babysitter too, so that they can have a relaxing night of enjoying remembering what it is like not watching Aladdin, or one of the other million Disney movies. We make sure that everyone is okay, no matter what the situation.
I've known that I was going home in August for a month for about 4 months. Throughout all of this time I have been trying to find someone to keep my hairy "child". (AKA Luna) I have over those 4 months had several people say, "Sure! It's not a problem, you can count on me!" Only to have it turn in to, "I'm sorry I just can't handle a dog that big!" (Luna has been 70 pounds for about a year now, they knew how big she was when they agreed the first time!)


So with only 3 days before Kenneth and I get on a plane to Georgia, yet another family backed out on me and I began to freak out. Then I called my visiting teaching companion and told her about our appointment for Tuesday evening, and she said, "What are you doing with Luna while you are gone? Do you need someone to keep her?" (REJOICE!!!!!) I told her that indeed I did. And she said that they will be trying it out with Luna at their house, but that if that doesn't work then they will bring her home and let her run in my backyard during the day and then feed her and put her up in her kennel at night! I'm okay with that! As long as I know that my dog doesn't starve to death while I'm gone I'll be happy. I was afraid that I was either going to have to cancel the trip, or pay money that we don't have to a Kennel for a month. But I don't want her in a Kennel just because she would be locked up in her crate all day! At least at home she can run and play all she wants, and bark at the dogs in the back yard all she wants! I am so thrilled it's ridiculous!

I went to the Commissary tonight and bought her another 40 pounds of dog food just to make sure she has plenty. Inflation has hit dog food! I guess that it should though, if we are paying more for us to eat rice, then it should be the same for lamb and rice for dogs as well, but geez! Early Spring I was paying 25.00 bucks, now I'm paying 40.00 a bag at Petsmart and 33 at the Commissary (which is why I bought it there!).

But anyway I also bought her a way cool self-waterer bowel, it has a hug 3 gallon jug on the top of the back of the bowel that constantly replenishes her water as she needs it. I know, I know, simple things make me happy. But hey, at least I'm happy!

Sewing Machine Blues! & Scholar Husband!

(This picture was too cute not to share! This morning he was so happy because he got Cherry Puffs for breakfast, and every time that I looked at him he was grinning from ear to ear, so I had to have a Kodiak moment with it!)

Yesterday I went to use my sewing machine and all it did was beep at me, and I still have no idea what is wrong with it. And Singer's Customer Service isn't open again until Monday morning. But I need to make another baby blanket before Wednesday, and while I think that if I can get it working that that won't be any problem at all, I just worry that one of my squadron families will have to wait until I can do it at home and send it to Col. Kossler through the mail. I wanted to give it to her myself! It's really quite sad I think! I've tried all of the stuff that it mentions in the troubleshooting section online and in the manual. I just don't understand! I've only had it 2 months! I hope I didn't ruin it!



On a lighter side, Paul started college this past week! I'm so proud of him! He is going to American Military University mainly because IT'S FREE!!! And because it's a military college he is able to use government computers to do his work where ever he is. The will ship books anywhere in the world to where he is. Anyway, he is writing his first paper, and I have to say though he thinks he sucks as a writer, I have read his work and it is really good! If he completes even and associates degree he will be the only one of his Dad's children to complete college. His sister on his Mom's side has a law degree, so she is ahead, but that's okay, she's considerably older than Paul! He's so smart!

In update on my Ouchness, I am feeling much better, I have turned my workout regiment to legs, and arms instead of abs for a few days and my pulled ab muscle seems to be thanking me with a lot less pain than I had the other day! Yea! And last night when I went to a birthday party for a friend's kids I was complimented on how much weight I've lost. I don't know how much I've lost, I'm afraid to step on a scale, afraid that it won't be as much as I would like! But at least I know that some of the awful flab is disappearing!

Ouch and Oh My Gosh!

For about 8 hours now my body has been revolting against me either for something that I did at the gym, or over something that I ate. I have the worst pain in my stomach that I have ever had, and I have had a kid, so I know pain! I haven't found anything to help it yet. But chances are the Red Lobster for lunch didn't help anything, though I wasn't feeling bad before hand. And I haven't really gotten sick, I'm just in a lot of pain from it. I almost had someone come get Kenneth for me, but I decided that I needed to be the one taking care of my child.

As for my little guy, I went to the bathroom today and left him in the living room like always. All I had to do was pee, so it wasn't like he was left alone for more than a couple of minutes. When I walked out of the bathroom my child had climbed up to the 4th step on my stairs! I couldn't believe that he could do it, infact a friend and I discussed that today and I said that he couldn't. Well he sure proved me wrong! So we had to go out and get a baby gate for the stairs tonight. Now he is sleeping, and I'm going to follow suit VERY soon, I think we both feel like crap tonight!

Also, did you know that American Airlines is now making you pay for every checked bag? $15 for the first bag, $25 for each additional bag! Luckily though, the carry on is still free, and so is the stroller and carseat. So I have figured out what I have to do, I will put all of the clothes that I am going to take with me on my body that way I won't need a suitcase for me! That way I just need to take Kenneth's clothes! Seriously folks, for less money I can send my stuff to my grandmother through UPS. Isn't there something incredibly rediculous about that? I think so!

Dragon Flies, Worms, and Bumblebees!

I am so stinkin' pleased with myself! I finished my very first baby blanket! It's a baby blanket for one of the wives in my husband's squadron! Recently I became the keyspouse, and when I asked what they did for new Mom's (knowing that the answer was nothing because I received nothing.), I got a blank stare. SO my first thought was diapers, butt creme, and wipes. Ask the girls for donations, buy each one for about 25 bucks. Well, then I got to thinking, everyone likes different kinds of diapers, butt creme, and wipes, AND they are great and welcomed, but they get used and thrown away. So I nixed that idea.

While at my favorite store in the whole wide world, JoAnn Fabrics, I stumbled upon the flannel section... and suddenly these really cute baby fabrics popped out at me! Then I looked at the price and about choked! 5.99 a yard! Then a lady next to me mentioned that there was a fabric store just down the road with really cute little girl prints on sale for 1.99 a yard! So off to this place I went to check it out. Immediately I knew that making baby blankets would be an awesome way to show the families that the Squadron cares for them. SOOOOO I bought a bunch of material. Because there is always someone pregnant in the Squadron, ALWAYS! All the fabric that I need for one blanket costs less than 6 Bucks! You can't beat that!

So I made my first one tonight. It's for Helen's little girl! I can't wait to give it to her tomorrow! I hope that she likes it! Tell me what you guys think!

One Cheeseburger, caffiene free coke!

(The picture is me just getting back from the gym, so the oiliness of my face is acceptable, just showing how exhausted I am! That and look! You can see my collar bone again! I'm making progress, finally!)

Yesterday I was constantly busy, I kept 3 of the 4 of my friend Wendy's kids while she took her oldest to the dentist, then I had some errands to run, a WIC appointment (thank goodness for WIC it saves me so much money! $150 a month just on formula!), then I insisted that since I couldn't go to the gym yesterday morning, that I would not be missing Nicole's Cardio N Abs class at the gym. Nicole is beyond a gym Nazi of a teacher. But that is probably why I hate missing her class. She pushes you, and you always leave exhausted! We ran a mile, luckily not all at the same time, but total we ran a mile. At the gym that I go to it takes 9 laps to make a mile. She would have us run 3 laps at a time, then go back to the room and do 5 minutes of jump rope... you know I remember when jumping rope was fun, and easy... but that was when I was 5 and I weighed 50 pounds or so. At 24, and way more weight than I'm willing to mention, it is not easy nor is it fun. BUT you burn so many calories jump roping that I aught to buy one for the house. Then she had us run the stairs at the gym 3 times, do a ton of weird abdominal things, and we did a whole lap of nothing but side squats. Anyway, so I left the gym and went home. Along the way to my house is a plethora of fast food restaurants, and really good curbside-to-go type restaurants. All the way driving down this particular road with the windows down none the less, I could smell each of my favorite restaurants, I could taste the "guiltless" chicken sandwich from Chili's, the Hawaiian Chicken Rice bowel from Rumbi Grill, but more than anything else I could smell the burgers at Burger King. Suddenly it was like I was pregnant and in the craving stage again. I wanted a Whopper (something I wouldn't normally ever want) and a HUGE cup of Coke! I resisted the urge and went home only to find that nothing in my house looked even remotely tasty.





My friend Shaena called and asked how I was doing, and the first thing that I blurted out was, "I want a Whopper and a Coke, I'm going to die if I don't get it, but I"m just going to have to die because it is completely out of the question for me to have it!" She started laughing, and said, "I made hamburgers for dinner do you want one?" I thanked her for the offer but told her that I didn't want her to make the quarter mile trip up the street to my house to give me food that their family could use. I told her I would probably be opening a can of soup because I needed to watch my calorie intake. So I get off the phone with her and then 10 minutes later while I'm out in the garage to get hamburger meat out to make Hamburger (Fattening) Helper, I see Shaena pull up in my driveway, and in her hand was a Turkey Burger, and Jalapeno Doritos with a Caffeine Free Coke! If she were my husband I would have kissed her, so since she's not I instead gave her a hug, and let me tell you, that was the best hamburger that I have ever had. It was healthy, it was from one of my bestest friends, and it fixed my craving! Shanea is my hero.





So on the whole subject of eating right, why is it that the expensive stuff that is the microwavable health food is the only ones that are good? Why can't they make cheap good tasting microwaveable stuff? I can't tell you the last time I turned on my stove. With Paul gone it's just easier to eat out or nuke something. But, I just got back from the gym about 20 minutes ago, and I bought this chicken penne pasta stuff, for about 1.75, and it's only 210 calories for the whole bag of it, but it is disgusting! Seriously! I hate it! The dog sniffed it and walked away, it's that bad! I've never had it before, but will definitely not be partaking again! It taste like Chef Boyarde Beef Ravioli, but it's a broccoli chicken! That alone is enough to make me not want to eat ever again! I think I'm going to throw it away and just have a granola bar for lunch. Hopefully my dinner will turn out better!

All I Think About is You

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it will be like when Paul comes home. I can't wait for that day! I dream about it everyday, I think about it constantly, and yet amongst all of the excitement for him to come home there is a lot of fear as well. During the last 3 1/2 months I have provided and been everything to a little boy. Is Kenneth going to understand that Mommy needs to divide her time between him and Daddy in 2 1/2 months? Or are we just going to have a constant battle for attention on his part? Will Paul understand that it is hard to break the cycle of only taking care of Kenneth? Will he know that I don't mean to do everything for Kenneth myself, that it is just what I'm used to now and it's hard to step back? Will I still be attractive to my husband? Will he see the obvious aging that comes with the stress of being a single parent? And is there really any facial product out there that takes the wrinkles and bags away? Will I ever loss this stupid baby weight so that I look like the sexy woman that he married 3 short years ago? Will everything be different and weird? Is he going to be a stranger because of all of the things that he has done and seen? Will he have a shorter temper? Will I? And most of all how do you make up for all of the lost time? I have a husband who will be coming home in October, and I fully expect him to be gone by this time next year on another deployment. How do we make up for time in a career field that constantly takes Daddy away? Is it by going on vacation, or just shutting ourselves inside our house for weeks? Is it in visiting family back home, or concentrating only on our tiny little family within the walls of our home? Is it by trying to keep things going as normal as possible, or stopping all normal activity?

Unfortunately some changes are going to be obvious, he left with an infant, he's coming home to a toddler. Before he left there were bottles to wash, when he gets home bottles will be a thing of the past, not to be seen again until our next child. he left with an optimistic house wife, he comes home to a wife who heading up the spouses group, and who has become cynical despite her best efforts to avoid it.

I think about one of my favorite songs, and I long to have it come true, but the older I get the more I understand that perfect fairy tales only exist in animated Disney movies. We love to watch them, and we love to dream about what our life would be like if they were true, but what those movies don't depict is that in real life there are fairy tales, but there are just little blips along the way that put those fairy tales on hold for a little while. I love my husband, and I can't wait to have him home! We live a fairytale when he's home, but he's just gone so much! If it's not a deployment it's a TDY, so even when he's home he's not really home. And yet every minute that I get to spend with him no matter what we do is perfect because I get to see his face. I'm hoping that in 2 months when he is home with us again, no matter how short the time, that we will be able to pick up with our fairytale, to spend our time "making up" for the time that we have lost.

Landing In London: (3 Doors Down)

I woke up today in London as the plane was touching down.

All I could think about was Monday maybe I’d be back around

If this keeps me away much longer I don’t know what I will do

You've got to understand it’s a hard life, that I’m going through

And when the night falls in around me I don’t think I’ll make it through

I'll use your light to guide my way, 'Cuz all I think about is you

L A is getting kind of crazy New York's getting kind of cold

I keep my head from getting lazy I just can’t wait to get back home

And all these days I spend away Ill make up for this I swear

I need your love to hold me up when it’s all too much to bear

And when the night falls in around me I don’t think I’ll make it through

Ill use your light to guide my way, 'Cuz all I think about is you

And all these days I spend away Ill make up for this I swear

I need your love to hold me up When it’s all too much to bear

And when the night falls in around me I don’t think I’ll make it through

I'll use your light to guide the way Cuz all I think about is you.

Sesame Street Tears

Today I took Kenneth to his first play. The USO brought Sesame Street Live to base, and the tickets were free. I honestly expected it to be more for me than Kenneth because he is still so young. But NO not my son, he was standing up in my lap dancing and jumping to the music! He never ceases to amaze me!

The show is the one with Elmo and Friends that helps children cope with deployment. It wasn't 5 minutes into the show before I found myself tearing up. As I looked around though there were other Mom's getting teary eyed too. So I officially feel like I can say that I have cried at everything at least once. A children's play, geez, I'm getting soft!

So now I am completely melancholy and I feel like sitting down in my floor and crying the rest of the night. But I won't because then my dog would lick me to death.

In other news, my dog thinks that helium balloons are the devil. Kenneth got one at the show and it is floating around my ceiling now that Kenneth is in bed, and my dog will not cross under the balloon to go and get water. She just sits at a distance and growls at it. It's really quite humorous, it's one of the first forms of laughter I've really had today. I wish that I could get her to do it while I have the camera on, but she just wants to sniff the camera.

Most days I'm fine. But today I'm just done with this stupid deployment. I'm exhausted, lonely, and we're all adults so I can say it... I'm horny! It's been 90 some odd days, and I am tired of being sexually deprived for America's freedom! In two and a half months there will be a do not disturb sign on my door, my kid will be with a sitter, and I will get to remember how good it feels to be a woman! Can't wait!