All I Think About is You

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it will be like when Paul comes home. I can't wait for that day! I dream about it everyday, I think about it constantly, and yet amongst all of the excitement for him to come home there is a lot of fear as well. During the last 3 1/2 months I have provided and been everything to a little boy. Is Kenneth going to understand that Mommy needs to divide her time between him and Daddy in 2 1/2 months? Or are we just going to have a constant battle for attention on his part? Will Paul understand that it is hard to break the cycle of only taking care of Kenneth? Will he know that I don't mean to do everything for Kenneth myself, that it is just what I'm used to now and it's hard to step back? Will I still be attractive to my husband? Will he see the obvious aging that comes with the stress of being a single parent? And is there really any facial product out there that takes the wrinkles and bags away? Will I ever loss this stupid baby weight so that I look like the sexy woman that he married 3 short years ago? Will everything be different and weird? Is he going to be a stranger because of all of the things that he has done and seen? Will he have a shorter temper? Will I? And most of all how do you make up for all of the lost time? I have a husband who will be coming home in October, and I fully expect him to be gone by this time next year on another deployment. How do we make up for time in a career field that constantly takes Daddy away? Is it by going on vacation, or just shutting ourselves inside our house for weeks? Is it in visiting family back home, or concentrating only on our tiny little family within the walls of our home? Is it by trying to keep things going as normal as possible, or stopping all normal activity?

Unfortunately some changes are going to be obvious, he left with an infant, he's coming home to a toddler. Before he left there were bottles to wash, when he gets home bottles will be a thing of the past, not to be seen again until our next child. he left with an optimistic house wife, he comes home to a wife who heading up the spouses group, and who has become cynical despite her best efforts to avoid it.

I think about one of my favorite songs, and I long to have it come true, but the older I get the more I understand that perfect fairy tales only exist in animated Disney movies. We love to watch them, and we love to dream about what our life would be like if they were true, but what those movies don't depict is that in real life there are fairy tales, but there are just little blips along the way that put those fairy tales on hold for a little while. I love my husband, and I can't wait to have him home! We live a fairytale when he's home, but he's just gone so much! If it's not a deployment it's a TDY, so even when he's home he's not really home. And yet every minute that I get to spend with him no matter what we do is perfect because I get to see his face. I'm hoping that in 2 months when he is home with us again, no matter how short the time, that we will be able to pick up with our fairytale, to spend our time "making up" for the time that we have lost.

Landing In London: (3 Doors Down)

I woke up today in London as the plane was touching down.

All I could think about was Monday maybe I’d be back around

If this keeps me away much longer I don’t know what I will do

You've got to understand it’s a hard life, that I’m going through

And when the night falls in around me I don’t think I’ll make it through

I'll use your light to guide my way, 'Cuz all I think about is you

L A is getting kind of crazy New York's getting kind of cold

I keep my head from getting lazy I just can’t wait to get back home

And all these days I spend away Ill make up for this I swear

I need your love to hold me up when it’s all too much to bear

And when the night falls in around me I don’t think I’ll make it through

Ill use your light to guide my way, 'Cuz all I think about is you

And all these days I spend away Ill make up for this I swear

I need your love to hold me up When it’s all too much to bear

And when the night falls in around me I don’t think I’ll make it through

I'll use your light to guide the way Cuz all I think about is you.