Because My Husband is More Important

Recently I have learned the hard way what a slip of a tongue can do to your husband's work environment. Women have always been the same, we get together and gab about anything and everything that we can think of. Sometimes amongst all of it the information being transmitted gets blurred. You could say "I drank a soda yesterday and it gave me terrible gas!" Then someone one says, "Oh when I drink soda I get an awful stomach ache with diarrhea!" Then someone else says, "Oh it makes me puke!" Next person, "I hate puking it reminds me of when I felt bulimic during my first few months of pregnancy!" And the conversation continues, by the time that the women are talking to their husbands it has turned into, "Hey did you know that Jennifer is bulimic, and that she purges even if she's only had soda?" You think I joke, and this scenario is, but unfortunately a lot worse has happened.

And politics, anyone who thinks that politics isn't in military, surely hasn't met someone who is in the military. It governs our entire life! When we first joined I was warned that I shouldn't hang out with higher ranking Airmen and Officer's wives. That it would only lead to trouble for my husband. I was stupid and young and didn't listen. And a month ago it all blew up because of a situation similar to what I discussed above. I always thought, until now, that there was no need to heed that advice because Paul and I are good people, we mean no harm, I just need friends who's husband's do the same job as my husband! The only problem with that is that Paul is the only married "young" Airmen. (He's actually older than a lot of our Staff Sgts) So to have friends in the wives group of our shop, I have to break those barriers. So I did, stupidly I did.

I love these girls! They have been my best friends since our husband's left in April. It is because of them that I have felt as alive as I have for as long as I have. I didn't know that I could feel that way without Paul around. And yet hanging out with these women has made everything easier on me. I can honestly say that until 5 weeks ago this deployment felt like a breeze. And it has all been thanks to them, and their support, and their company.

But after a rather nasty situation that ALMOST caused the first official fight in my marriage, and could have potentially ended an innocent Airman's career, I have had to withdraw from my support group, and leave the three of them on their own to have fun without me. What was said doesn't matter, all that needs to be said is that Paul's working environment has been a lot harsher because of this situation. And because my husband's happiness while in a war zone is much more important than my own to me, especially since he is currently in a war zone, I am finishing the last 65 days of this stupid deployment on my own.

I'm not completely alone, I know that. I have plenty of other friend's but none of the ones here understand what it is like to be an EOD wife. They have different scripts to read to us at Family Support Centers. They don't say, "Your husband will be fine, he'll be inside the wire." They say, "Your husband is good at his job, the Army Infantry will be there to protect your husband while he does his job." My husband's job can't be done inside the wire, he knows exactly how it feels to strap on his Kevlar and be outside of the nice barriers.

And I have family, but they can't fully understand either. The saddest lesson that I will bring out of this deployment is that no matter who starts it within a group, the higher ranking officers are never going to punish themselves or their spouses, it will flow down to the lowest ranking of the bunch. And until we are older, that will always be my dear, sweet, innocent Paul. Life was so much more simple in Kindergarten. The only drama that we knew was the soup opera that we created within the lives of our Barbie dolls. Can we revert back to that?